PUA Comebacks To Alpha Males

I'm going to take a break from political blogging for a moment to discuss something very dear to me: pick-up artistry. After my long engagement to Nancy Grace was broken, PUA tactics gave me the confidence to return to the dating scene with great success. (Maria Bartiromo is particularly sensitive to negging, wink wink.)

Unfortunately, even a feisty cougar of a political blogger on the prowl for gash can encounter predators out in the wild. That's right, I'm talking about so-called "Alpha males" whose M.O. is to insult you, bring you down, irritate you with pointed criticisms when you're trying to work your game. These jerks are everywhere: bars, clubs, art openings, press conferences, frat parties, the green room at Hannity. How does one react to an insult like "You look like garbage, literal garbage" or "What's with that creepy old guy in the corner, I thought this was a college bar?"

My fellow PUAs and I over at the PUA forums have been brainstorming ways to react to Alpha male insults. As usual, the ever-creative PUA community has come up with some killer advice. From my main man Mello:

insult: you're ugly

response: no you just have never seen yourself in the mirror

insult: you're so annoying
response: i'm just friendly and happy your the one thats bitter

Some great ones from Consistence:

Insult:"Why do you smell funny?"
Answer: It's called Soap - don't think you've ever smelt it before (make a big smile and tounge-mouth)

Insult: "Wow, what an ugly t-shirt!"
Answer: Yeah that can be fixed but your face can't!

Check out the entire thread, this one is definitely worth a read. Here are some comebacks I brainstormed a while back that I like to keep in my pocket for those all-too-frequent times a certain bully needs to be taken down a peg:

Alpha: "Look at this middle aged loser"

Me: "Yeah well my age can change but your face is awful"

Alpha: "You're fat"

Me: "My weight issues can be solved with therapy. Your face however cannot. It is ugly."

Alpha: "You smell like a homeless person"/"You dress a hobo"/[misc. homeless-related comparisons]

Me: "Hey that just means the world is my home and when I ask a girl to come back to my place it means I can just do her anywhere. I do have a home though so you're wrong on that."

Alpha: "Fuck you"

Me: "Maybe it is YOU who should get fucked... fucked off that is"

Alpha: *punch in the face*

Me: "You're ugly"

These comebacks are not just effective at putting so-called "Alpha" males in their place. I've found you can use them on yourself to great effect during your marijuana-fueled jags of deep self-hatred and loathing. Commit a few of these to memory so that next time some prick takes an issue with your armpit stench or the fact you're drunkenly hitting on his sorority girlfriend, you can show him what it means to trifle with a pick-up artist!