Thick-legged coke-addled ginger retard Lindsay Lohan, gross slut division, was sentenced to 90 days in gaol today for having a gross ass vagina even a really skeevy bloke with a feathery moustache wouldn't want to tongue-bang. She is a horrendous alcoholic bitch who made a number of middling films as a vague cloud of freckles & squeals before growing into an orange-tinged embarrassment with a voice like a vuvuzela full of crocodile cum. She was kicked out of dykedom for being too brutish & running over a friend in her haste to snort a lane divider. Somebody euthanise this tremendous monster before she squirts AIDS at the President or shits up the Pope.
When reached for comment, Lindsay's publicist Rapefiend Cokewhore von Mengele-Goebbels shrugged and muttered, "Meh, at least it'll keep the monstrous cunt off the highways." Pithy bloke, that Rapefiend!
Most of Lindsay's problems stem from her reprehensible parents, Satan & Facecunt Lohan. These people are awful & have died in a fire numerous times but been rejected from hell by an incensed Satan. Michael literally eats babies, gnawing at their very spines as a pygmy plays his butt like a soggy tuba. Dina is just an egret possessed by the ghost of Elisabeth Bathory. She will peck your fucking eyes out. They also have some other kids who singlehandedly use up all the heroin from Afghanistan.
Lohan is the first person to ever be cured of herpes, as the chronic virus has fled her body, describing it as "a blasted hellscape of total dysfunction & deformity...uninhabitable...like Klaus Kinski starring in the LAst Airbender." She still has syphilis & gonorrhea up her butt.
She earned an oscar nomination for her role in Cloverfield as the monster. Thanks bitch I barfed in my popcorn.
1 comments:
I never got my money back from when she promised to do an artistic shoot of her pissing in my mouth over and over again. Glad she in jail.
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