you guys

are dicks

I guess I'll just review the other 4 john carpenter films I have on my HD and be done with it.

[This article is part of BLOG's exclusive coverage of the Puma Jones resignation controversy, a series entitled U Mad? 2010. The full series: 1 2 3 4.]

John, I'm Only Dancing

Weekly Corral Roundup: Dead Generals, &c.

Just for you loyal BLOG readers, here's the TOP political news stories of the past week in the newsosphere, presented in a cowboy-themed format. Longtime followers of my work might remember seeing The Corral on CNN's Situation Room, where I was a frequent commentator before being fired for clinical depression and replaced with a bitter senile old man with no living relatives (fuck you Jack!).

GIDDY-UP Obama fires top Afghanistan general over Rolling Stone interview

Earlier this year General Stanley McChrystal made several impolitic remarks about the Obama administration during a monthlong mescaline-and-speed-fueled journey through the Afghani Southwest with Rolling Stone correspondent Michael Hastings. Some of the more shocking passages include McChrystal bragging about "cucking" Vice President Biden, a scene at a French state dinner where an extremely drunk McChrystal inserted three fingers into French First Lady Carla Bruni's mouth, and repeated references by the General to President Obama as "Samby."

Almost immediately, an enraged President Obama fired McChrystal for insubordination -- the first such firing of a General since 1949, when President Truman sacked hotheaded General Douglas MacArthur for winning the Korean War against Truman's wishes. McChrystal was replaced by General David Petraeus, whom pundits on the right promptly labeled "General Betray-Us" for accepting a job offer from a known Kenyan and traitor to America.

GIT ALONG West Virginia Sen. Robert Byrd (D) dies

The longest serving senator in American history Robert Byrd passed away at the age of 92 Monday. Because of the ambiguity in West Virginia elections laws, Byrd's desiccated corpse will serve out the rest of his term until it is up for reelection in 2012.

HEE HAW Ultra-Libertarian cartoonist Robert Cat has a new edition of his popular long-running comic strip Anthropomorphic Republican Talking Duck up:

Who Are The Free Mason's?

Freemasonry is the coming together of men who do things without women. This began in the year of out lord's 17th century birthday. Today Freemason's exists globally and can be read in over million different languages world wide except wingdings. Little to nothing is known about the Freemason. All that can be found on the in-ter-web is information on the man who possibly started it. A man called Richard Garriott who in recent times is famous for creating the Ultima computer game series and dressing up like his computer man character.

It has been said if you create a .bat file and type Garriott is my leader. You get to hear a midi track that Mr Garriott composed himself. If this is true please email me. I would love to hear it.

There has been many rumors of the goings on at a "Freemason meetings". Many have put forward it's not unlike a Harry Potter book. Those many have been later found to be incorrect and that there is nothing Harry Potter(ish) at all inside a Freemason meeting. Although having read this it is very likely that harry Potter magic may be possibly used at a Freemason Meeting.

Although their head quarters are secret and many don't even believe a Freemason man exists. Many believe that you can gain by jumping off the moving platform to the scoreboard.

From here go left and take the left green pipe to Freemason enterance.

This also has yet to be proven. One thing we do know is that they are some kind of secret society. This is yet to be proven.

A Bad Enough Dude to Save Lives

THIS IS DON RITCHIE. THIS IS THE FACE OF LIFE. 
THIS MAN SAVES LIVES EVERY DAY. BE LIKE THIS MAN.

DO NOT ATTEMPT ANY BUTT-RELATED

Skeletons, often considered a minor threat (if a threat at all) by most seasoned monster-battlers, are nonetheless a serious nuisance and should be discussed accordingly.

The term “skeleton” as it is used here refers only to those fleshless bodies that rise from death to wreak havoc on the living. While there are many

• All skeletons are, in fact, devoid of flesh. A word to the novice: Skeletons do not and cannot have butts. There will undoubtedly be some vestige of the bone left over that housed the original creature's butt, but DO NOT ATTEMPT ANY BUTT-RELATED

fuck him (from orbit lmao)

skeletons are a major threat but are you protected form ninja skeletons?? wht about zombie pirates STAIRS

Film Review - Escape From New York (1981)

this is one I've been holding in my back pocket to put up somewhere. It was written, I think, around October last year.

------------------------------

John Carpenter's 1981 film, Escape From NY, is a masterpiece. Now, I am aware that a lot of people say that about a lot of films. They are Biased. OK, so am I. BUT COME ON. Watch it once. Let it sink in. Watch it again, maybe a day or two after. I can sum up the "whammo factor" of this film with one word: Atmosphere.

Plot: In the future (well, the future as per real-life 1981), the crime rate has risen exponentially. In response, the government turns Manhattan Island into one gigantic prison for all convicted criminals sentenced to hard time. All get life. There are no guards, as it says in the intro, only "prisoners and the worlds they have made." Anywho, violent leftist revolutionaries crash a President-packing plane into the old city, with an added twist or two. The President is actually on his way to the Hartford Summit, to talk to China and the Soviet Union. Yes, it is assumed that in this alternate timeline we are still in the Cold War. The President (who Michael Myers fans will recognize as Donald Pleasance) is carrying a tape containing nuclear secrets or some shit that will totally peace-pipe the Chinese and Ruskies into ending the war, or so they hope. He gets ejected from the crash in some pod and subequently gets yoinked by goons of The Duke. The Duke is "Duke of New York, A #1," played by Isaac goddamn Hayes. Everyone's all like "oh shit, if we go in they'll kill the president..." Enter the snake.



SNAKE GODDAMN PLISSKIN
Yes, he gets his own section in the review. Snake is every badass antihero motherfucker ever, rolled into a fat, dank joint, lit, and shotgunned into your lungs. Eye patch? Check. Bad ass boots? Check. Grizzled war hero? Check. Robbed the Federal Reserve? FUCKING NOTCH THAT ONE OFF. Got nabbed, though, and everyone thinks he's dead. The Commissioner of the island's guard staff sees this as a golden opportunity and offers Snake this: full pardon for rescuing the President and that tape.

Snake Plisskin is given a ridiculously tooled-out MAC 10, complete with massive silencer (which by watching the film I can deduce does not work worth a damn), scope, and all the trimmin's. Snake fires far more than 32 rounds while it is his, so I am assuming that he simply shits out 9mm rounds from all the gunpowder, steel ingots and lead pipes he eats due to being such a horrible monster of a man.

Now I normally take a wishy washy stance on Kurt Russell as an action hero. He failed to dazzle me in the original Stargate film. I think he was working extra hard here, because I read somewhere that he was trying his damnedest to shrug off the mantle of his early career... Disney films. Poor fucker. Well, kudos, Kurt. Snake kicks ass. Literally and figuratively.

Supporting cast includes Harry Dean Stanton, Ernest Borgnine, and Adrienne goddamn Barbeau. You may not know who all of those people are, but dammit you should. Be ashamed, just for a moment, if you didn't. OK, we'll move on now.

STRENGTHS
-Well written and envisioned. Watch it and you'll see what I mean. A feasible yet visibly different "future" combines with some excellent creativity as far as costuming, etc. to give theme and atmosphere to the USA presented in this tale. As art, the film is both convincing and of an appropriate tone/feel.
- The cast rocks. Lots of players here who are/were unfairly considered B-list or fell to that status by the time of this film's making. An example of the latter is Borgnine, who plays some old fucker who drives a cab around the decrepit prison city. Weird character, great job. Even actors and actresses doing bit parts are excellent.
-Action. There is no shortage of it. The plot dynamically moves, like a better-scripted live action version of a pulp comic.
-Snake fucking Plissken.

WEAKNESSES
- Fuck you. Saying this film is weak is like saying Tyson is weak. You're wrong and you're fixin' to get hurt bad.

OVERALL
9.5/10, simply because giving it a ten would be just about too much ass kissing for me.